April 2, 2009

Let’s Talk about Sex!

Posted in Gossip at 3:49 pm by lesliegirl

 

Some of you may not always like to go to the gym.  Some of you may not always want to go on a hike.  I think I know what one thing we all like to do.  What is that you ask, SEX.  I would be willing to bet that we may not all like to do the same thing when it comes to exercise, but having sex is one thing we all like to do.  Have you always wondered how many calories you burn, well I have the answers:

Calories Burned in Various Sex Positions
Man on top, woman on bottom = 20 calories
Woman on top, man on bottom (Many women find that this position affords a better view of the clock.) = 25 calories
From the rear = 40 1/2 calories
Standing Both partners of equal height = 18 calories
Standing Woman 1 foot taller than a man = 90 calories

Multiple Orgasms

For women:  
2 = 14 calories
5 = 30 calories
8 = 47 calories
(Depending her rate of recovery a woman can enjoy around 8 orgasms within an hour period without losing consciousness or disarranging her hair. As the number increases she may begin to experience a form of “reduced sanity” that will temporarily interfere with her ability to make the beds and cook supper.)  

For Men:
2 = 21 calories
3 = 39 calories
4 = 57 calories
(Many men can enjoy up to 4 orgasms in an hour with little discomfort except for the slight ringing in the ears. However, a man who tries to achieve more than 10 orgasms within that same period is flirting with irreversible brain damage.)

Special Orgasms
Clitoral. = 15 calories
Vaginal = 21 calories
Penile = 21 calories
Scrotile = 15 calories
Rectal = 25 calories
Oral (can also occur during an especially good meal) = 30 calories

Sex Related Noises
Short gasps (per gasp) = 3 calories
Wheezing = 5 calories
Squeals = 4 calories
Ecstatic moaning = 11 calories
Low growling = 8 calories
Squishing = 10 calories
Shouting = 16 calories
Screaming = 18 calories
Urgent begging = 22 calories
Any short speech giving partner directions (”Please don’t stop,” “Faster,” “Just a little more”.) = 25 calories

Sex Locations
On a bar stool = 20 calories
Rear of a car = 38 calories
In a phone booth, standing = 14 calories
In a phone booth, lying down = 274 calories
On an airliner, aisle seat = 24 calories
On an airliner, middle seat = 42 calories
On an airliner, window seat = 30 calories
On an airliner, in the lavatory = 100 calories

Calories Burned Having Orgasm
Real = 27 calories
Faked = 160 calories

Orgasmic Intensity Scale
Expression didn’t change = 1/2 calorie
Face turned purple = 15 calories
Orchestra swelled = 6 calories
Magical explosions = 10 calories
Blazing Sheets = 25 calories
Earth moved = 30 calories
Vesuvius erupted = 47 calories
You began moaning in Latin = 60 calories

Pulling Out
After orgasm = 1/4 calorie
A few moments before orgasm = 500 calories

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